letter

this is a letter a wrote him for our 6 month anniversary <3 it might’ve been the rough draft because i typed it up, but than wrote it out, changing some stuff when i did sooo its not exact but pretty close.

 Dear chris, you don’t know how many times this has been written than deleted. You know me, I can never find the right thing to say, I over think everything. This thing has been driving me crazy for about 3 weeks now. I just don’t know what to say, I mean I do, but just not how to say it. As of right now I havent seen you in 6 days, I guess its nothing out of the ordinary for us. I miss you. Sometimes it’s a good kinda miss, when im thinking of something funny you said or happened between us, or we’re having a silly conversation over bbm. That kind of miss makes me happy we’re together, an I sit there smiling like an idiot (like I am right now). But sometimes, its also a bad kinda miss, when I get tired of waiting around because youre always busy, or when I get so frustrated with this that I just wanna give up on everything. I want you with me. Right next to me. Wherever, whenever. Every second. Because when you are, it makes me the happiest person ever. Even when we do nothing, an im bored out of my mind, im still happy because you’re with me an nothing can ruin that. I don’t know what’s gonna happen between us in the future, an that scares me more than you’ll ever know. I want to be able to love you without holding back everything like I am, but how can I if I don’t know what will happen ? Im so unsure about everything. You were right the other night, im not just scared of getting hurt, im terrified. I don’t want to miss you, care about you, love you this much, but I cant help it, you make it impossible for me not to. I feel like the biggest cheese ball writing this, all the emotions are so I don’t know, not me ? Im mean, no. they are me..but I just usually don’t express how I feel so much. Anyways, I love you. I don’t say it enough, I like saving it for the moments when it just feels like the only thing I should say. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. Oh an you love me. Yes Christopher, I believe you. I believed you all along, I just didn’t want to believe it, if that makes sense  I believed you but I didn’t want to believe that I believe you. Yeah . that’s it. Im confusing an difficult an I apologize. You make me happy, its not like I cant be happy on my own though, because I can. The kinda happy I get with you is..well, we’ll call it lovehappy. lovehappy is a million billion zillion times better. You’re my best friend. I tell you everything, even more than Olivia. You make me feel safe to tell you all my secrets an not be afraid if you’ll judge me for them. You make me wanna tell you all my stupid stories, you make me wanna complain about all the unimportant things that I think are important but really arent because I know you’ll just listen, you make me want to just sit there in your arms an laugh about the silliest things. Ive never had that before.  You’ve changed my perspective on love, you know that. Remember ? I didn’t believe in love ? I thought it was an illusion ? I kinda just laugh to myself when I think about it. I wanted to deny everything so I wouldn’t get hurt. Im so predictable, I would deny it every time you told me. Even though you were right. You’re always right when it comes down to this stuff. I just think about how much things have changed for the better these past 6 months an I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. I love you I love you I love I love you

Happy 6 months baby I love you.